Heart Broken
by Tracy Winston
Summary: Max’s feelings after “Hello, Goodbye” Obviously spoilers for that episode.


Title: Heart Broken  
  
Author: Tracy Winston  
  
Rating: Uh... I really don't like doing ratings, but I guess PG.  
  
Spoilers/Timeframe: After "Hello, Goodbye"  
  
Summary: Max's feelings after "Hello, Goodbye"  
  
Feedback: Yes, please do! I'm here at LogansDarkAngel@aol.com  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and such of Dark Angel; they all belong to James Cameron, FOX, and all those rich people that could sue me if I didn't say this :)  
  
**IMPORTANT NOTE!!** In my stories, the character's thoughts are put in single quotes, like these: ' '. Also, there's the part where sometimes a character's thoughts will contradict itself, kinda like in real life, when we have different thoughts about the same topic (don't even say that you don't understand :P), and with that I'll start and end a sentence or group of sentences with a different tone with little carets, like this: ^. Just so that you'll understand.  
  
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In all the years I was in Manticore, I never felt pain like I have in the past few days. And to think it all could have been avoided if only I had worn a long-sleeve shirt to Crash. Then Logan wouldn't have gotten infected again… wouldn't have nearly died… and our relationship wouldn't be over.  
  
'*No*. It's *not* over. We're just… being careful. ^Right. You know this is just another way for you to run away from Logan.^ It's not true! I'm just going to end up getting him killed. I can't do that to the man I lo-.'  
  
^Ah, yes, you never did tell him that, did you? Just whispered it to his retreating form. Coward.^  
  
'I'm no coward! Let's just stop thinking about it and go to sleep.'  
  
^Sleep. That would be bliss. But it won't be something you'll be getting anytime soon. You'll have a *lot* of time to think about all the damage you've caused, all the hurt you've inflicted. Such the coward.^  
  
I roll over in my small bed in this rat-hold of an apartment, desperate to get my mind to shut up, and possibly get some sleep before I pedal off to work. Anything to get my mind off of what's happened. But my luck runs short like it always does, and that little nagging bitch in my head starts up again.  
  
^That's right. What else would you call yourself? You're the one that lied to Logan about what happened last night.^  
  
I sigh, a hand going to my face, ready to wipe away tears once they arrive. 'That was for his own good. If Logan thinks that Alec and I did something, that I'm leaving him for something other than his protection from the virus… maybe he'll have some closure about us. And things won't be this bad for long. I'll find another cure, and then we'll be back together again. It's like that wacked out thing that Joshua keeps saying "Max and Logan, getting busy; that the plan?".'  
  
^Aiight, let's say that you find another miracle Manticore doctor that will help, that would be able to make a cure, and that you can afford it. Who says that Logan will still be willing? What if he's really moved on?^  
  
'No, Logan… he… he wouldn't…'  
  
^Wouldn't he? And didn't Asha get rejected by Alec the other night? Wouldn't they just be the perfect match for each other? The rejected duo that meet in a mass of heated flesh and sweat.^  
  
'STOP IT! Logan would *never*… he loves me.' I sit up in bed, quickly wiping at my eyes, meanwhile not letting myself acknowledge that I'm starting to cry.  
  
^Ah, but love only goes so far when it gets thrown to the side and shatters into a million pieces.^  
  
And with that thought it finally settles in my mind. I broke Logan's heart. And then left him to cry his sorrows into a bottle of brandy… or whatever it was that he was stinking of. I've really lost him. And it's all my fault.  
  
'That's it. I'm going to see him. Even if it's just to look in on him. I've got to know that he's okay. I can't stand to see him hurt.' I let all this rush through my mind as I get changed and get my bike ready. 'I'll tell him. At least then he'll know so we can have some peace.'  
  
Slowly wheeling my Ninja out of the living room, not wanting to disturb Cindy and who ever she brought home, only one thought goes through my mind. 'I love you Logan, and I'm on my way.'  
  
  
  
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Well, I put this together in the hour after the show, while watching Law and Order, of course. :) Hope you guys liked it. Oh, and do the feedback thing! Thanks! 


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